You know how I know I will be okay?
I didn’t have a single thought of despair when Carrie got in.
All I felt, from top to bottom, was joy.
This wasn’t even me knowing all along.
Less than 12 hours before, someone asked me,
“What happens if she doesn’t get in this time?”
I said, “Then she will try again.” But then I added, slowly,
“But if she doesn’t this time, she will probably feel a lot of
despair.” But that thought left me pretty suddenly, and
my heart didn’t cling to that melancholy like it has in past failures,
where biting down on the sour, teeth-splitting candy
felt pleasurable, in a twisted, painful way.
I felt her tears that had turned her face crimson
Fall into the ditch of my collarbone. They were warm.
I could only laugh and call each number, and write words
Of jubilee to friends oceans and kilometers away
As we shivered in the cold on the campus we shared.
Never have I been more proud, and of something outside just me.
Maybe the future will really be okay